Matthew Allen is 24 and a native of
Indiana now living with his wife
and 16-month-old son in Okinawa,
Japan. He works for an Internet
tech company and attends the
University of Maryland on U.S.
military bases at night. He is trying
to keep out of trouble.
Indiana now living with his wife
and 16-month-old son in Okinawa,
Japan. He works for an Internet
tech company and attends the
University of Maryland on U.S.
military bases at night. He is trying
to keep out of trouble.
MAYBE
Maybe I‘m not awake.
If I am, then I don’t
Sleep very much.
Eyes bloodshot, and my mind,
Like a shook up Etch-a-Sketch.
The thought was there, now it’s gone.
Lack of sleep or lack of waking
Up from this huge mess;
In a blank slate state.
I look into an opening,
I’m hoping for something new,
Perhaps even the truth,
While contemplating on breaking
Absolute silence as I stumble
Around, looking for a pen.
Maybe I‘m not awake.
If I am, then I don’t
Sleep very much.
Eyes bloodshot, and my mind,
Like a shook up Etch-a-Sketch.
The thought was there, now it’s gone.
Lack of sleep or lack of waking
Up from this huge mess;
In a blank slate state.
I look into an opening,
I’m hoping for something new,
Perhaps even the truth,
While contemplating on breaking
Absolute silence as I stumble
Around, looking for a pen.
FACE PALE ONCE AGAIN
Face pale once again
Dilated pupils staring back
At me in the mirror, watching
A bright future fade away.
I am becoming more paranoid every day
Wasted the check. Worked hard for it, but this
Crystalline mindfuck makes me not give a damn.
I think they notice that I’m slipping
They try to help, but I just shove them away.
Memory isn’t the same. It’s me that I blame.
I used to think it was everyone else’s fault.
Now I’m ashamed. After the realization,
Nothing changes. Heart’s still pounding and
I’m still escaping from a better life
That’s always been waiting.
You can look at someone like me
And say, “I’ll never be like that.”
But I was the same way,
Way, way back.
Face pale once again
Dilated pupils staring back
At me in the mirror, watching
A bright future fade away.
I am becoming more paranoid every day
Wasted the check. Worked hard for it, but this
Crystalline mindfuck makes me not give a damn.
I think they notice that I’m slipping
They try to help, but I just shove them away.
Memory isn’t the same. It’s me that I blame.
I used to think it was everyone else’s fault.
Now I’m ashamed. After the realization,
Nothing changes. Heart’s still pounding and
I’m still escaping from a better life
That’s always been waiting.
You can look at someone like me
And say, “I’ll never be like that.”
But I was the same way,
Way, way back.
AFTERMATH
After wasted
Integrity came
My clarity
Things so different
In the aftermath
Of all the chaos
I’ve overcome.
Looking back
At the dead,
Whose faces stay
In my mind, like
We were still
Getting high together
Just to pass time.
Then they fade,
Just some washed
Away regrets.
I don’t need a god
Or higher power
To absolve me.
I forgave myself.
Still, picturing
The chaos that
I’ve overcome
The faces of the dead
Remind me.
After wasted
Integrity came
My clarity
Things so different
In the aftermath
Of all the chaos
I’ve overcome.
Looking back
At the dead,
Whose faces stay
In my mind, like
We were still
Getting high together
Just to pass time.
Then they fade,
Just some washed
Away regrets.
I don’t need a god
Or higher power
To absolve me.
I forgave myself.
Still, picturing
The chaos that
I’ve overcome
The faces of the dead
Remind me.
THE PLASMA CENTER
(in a small and fucked up town)
Small town, tiny and trashy
There’s not enough jobs or opportunities.
Hard times, man, I’m fresh outta money.
So I head up to the Plasma Center
Once again to wait and bleed.
When I arrive, I see the smokers outside
Talking about another blood money celebration.
Laughing, ‘cause I will pretty much do the same,
I walk in, sign the sheet and take a seat.
Crowded, full of clouded minds;
Please don’t talk to me,
I’m not here for conversation
I’m still hung over from being fired.
My personal vacation.
Not the best place to make new friends;
But I seem to always make them
In all the wrong places.
Met some crazy people here;
Cash broke drug addicts,
Girls who aren’t my taste,
Vietnam vet with a burn scarred face.
The stories told are priceless
Filled with no hope, just dead ends.
Bring in a friend to be bled and you score
More dough. More money for me,
And one more walk-in with a new story.
(in a small and fucked up town)
Small town, tiny and trashy
There’s not enough jobs or opportunities.
Hard times, man, I’m fresh outta money.
So I head up to the Plasma Center
Once again to wait and bleed.
When I arrive, I see the smokers outside
Talking about another blood money celebration.
Laughing, ‘cause I will pretty much do the same,
I walk in, sign the sheet and take a seat.
Crowded, full of clouded minds;
Please don’t talk to me,
I’m not here for conversation
I’m still hung over from being fired.
My personal vacation.
Not the best place to make new friends;
But I seem to always make them
In all the wrong places.
Met some crazy people here;
Cash broke drug addicts,
Girls who aren’t my taste,
Vietnam vet with a burn scarred face.
The stories told are priceless
Filled with no hope, just dead ends.
Bring in a friend to be bled and you score
More dough. More money for me,
And one more walk-in with a new story.
The Eat Write Café Internet site updated December 2008
© Copyright 2003-2008, David Allen , all rights reserved.
The Eat Write Café (And Traveling Poets Society)
© Copyright 2003-2008, David Allen , all rights reserved.
The Eat Write Café (And Traveling Poets Society)
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EWC No. 7 December 2008